I'm ready to make a difference.

I attended a Special Olympics Committee meeting today.
we talked about so much, and it really hit me that i wanted to be active in my community, and i really wanted to make a change; and this was the perfect place to start.
God has really been calling on me and telling me to start making a change.
Its been something that has been dawning on me, i don't really know what to do but i'm about to begin a journey that i know i wont regret.
(:

Day two. Post a picture that makes you smile.

Our parents ended up seeing this picture when it was really just a joke.

and they freaked. so everytime i see it i laugh. (:

im tired as all get out.

goodnight.

GodBless. <3

today was boring,

Imma start this tonight cause im not feeling like pouring my heart out.

1. my name represents how this is our generation. we can either change it and make it better or let it stay the same. This IS our childhood, this is our lives, these are our memories that we can share later in life, this is the time to make a difference. You live everyday once, there is no redoing it, there is no reliving it. Everything happens once, so why not make it worthwhile. (: 

thats it. <3

 My day consisted of these things.

McDonalds sweet tea.
mmmmmmmmm. (:

Converses. (:

Strawberries. (:
Yummy.

New mascara

Books. (: 

My sunday was boring.

i was sick, 

i slept till 1.

ive been quite a grumpy soul,

and just now i basically just got spat in the face by someone.

so its time for bed. 

goodnight, and Godbless.

You were here from the start.

Meet Haybale. (:

Best friends since we were kiddies.

I was born on October 13th, 1995; i was alone and without a best friend for 9 months until the wonderful day known as July 12th, 1996 came along. Then my mother introduced me to who i call to this day my bestfriend. 

Hayhay, HaleyBailey, Haybale, Turdpuller, Stalk.

As long as i can remember she has been by my side; we've: cried, laughed, screamed, crapped, threw up, fell, tripped, bled, choked, coughed, burped, peed in our pants or in the floor, busted our tail, smacked one another, changed, made fun of someone, itched, got burnt, tubed, played babydolls; together. 

plus soooooooo much more.

every time we get together we recall so many times we had when we were younger. she honestly knows me, my family, my house, my land, my life, more than anyone else; and that makes life so much easier because  i dont have to explain so much.

people say, "me and my bestfriend have been friends for a decade or something, thats so long, can you imagine?" well yes i can imagine, cause i got you beat by a country mile. ive been her friend for fourteen dang years, and it'll be fifteen in july. what an accomplishment.

imagine sharing fifteen years of non-stop fun, arguing about stupid stuff like our baby doll names; creating so many memories that we can share with our grandchildren. 

haybale and i have something so extraordinary, not many can say that they have kept a friend for 15 years straight. 

its just so amazing to me.

God has truly blessed me with one amazing friend. she has not only showed me who i am, and who i can be, but she has brought out the real Taylor, she has introduced me to a view of the world that no one else sees, she has showed me the way of life to live, the way to laugh at everything and appreciate everything that i have. Haybale has such a strong soul, she could survive a sandstorm and stand up at the end and be like is that all you got; she has taught me that there is a light at the end of the dark tunnels of life that eventually you are going to find that light, cause its there, it always is. 

when we were little we had the biggest dreams like: living in the same house married to twin brothers, and we owned a day spa, i did nails and she did hair. 

we would both drive a purple and blue convertible jeep.

and to this day we still plan stuff out, we talk about everything in the book, 

all this boils down to a friendship that could turn everything around when everything is backwards, a friendship that could pick up every piece of your crushed up world, a friendship that picks the bits and pieces of the good things about your life and puts them together into a collage to make you realize how much you have; and that itself is enough.

Its crazy to think we've came this far, but we have. 

I love this girl, more than anything. 

she is my light when i'm in the dark.

Heres a big thanks to: 

AbigailKristenAltrath,

WestonTaylorLawrence,

TylerAndrewSliger,

JeremyBrockGilley,

HaleyElizabethJoyce,

for making my day great, and thanks for everything yall do. 

couldn't ask for better people!

<3

God is love,

 and love has come for us all.

<3

time flies.

Hello Blogger. 

I went to the cemetery today to see my grandpas grave, the one that i haven't seen in honestly 4 years. I have my permit so i decided to drive, so one, i wanted to know how to get there myself, and two i haven't drove in forever. the whole way there all i could think about was, what am i going to do when i get there. I kept noticing things that had changed about stuff down that way since i had last been that way; then mom finally said, "a lot of stuff has changed, i don't remember any of this being here" then me being the smart butt kid that i am the same kid that never gets to visit her own grandpas grave due to her mothers excuses said. "probably cause NONE of us have been down here in a really long time" and she couldn't deny the fact that it was true. My heart sank into my stomach, after realizing how harsh that was after i blurted it out. We were getting closer and closer, and i had this feeling in my heart that my grandpa was watching me, and leading me in the right way, mom kept telling me where to turn, but i already knew. nothing quite compares to the feeling of someone you love watching over you and leading you in the right direction. we got to the road, and i slowly but anxiously turned in, every turn of the wheels brought me closer and closer to the place i used to love to be, to the same place that i hadn't been in four years. we finally got down the long driveway and i spotted his stone right away. as soon as i put the car in park tears started filling  behind my brown eyes waiting to bust out. we; we meaning me, abby and mom, headed toward the stone and tears immediately filled my eyes. somehow i made it to his spot, and i just stopped and stared.. all i could do was look, no words came to my mouth, nothing. i was doing all could to hold my self up, and not fall to my knees. my mom started saying something, but i didn't hear her; in my mind all was silent, i had this feeling that maybe i would hear him talk to me. my body was numb. Mom turned her head, and saw me crying and just shut up; she walked away from me, and let me have my time alone. i just stared at his grave like i was lost. I cried, the tears ran down my face, nothing had ever made my cry so fast.. i slipped  few tears the whole way home, all i could think about  was the funeral; watching them sitting his casket down in the ground, watching them close the casket after the service, watching my grandma kiss his dead body, everything. that whole day replayed in my head.. 

the thing that hurt the most was his grave was bare, the flowers had blown off and the maintenance man threw them over the fence. heartless man.
so we went and got flowers to put on his grave, ill post pictures when we go.

Imma post a blog later about a girl that means the world to me,
so stay tuned. (:
time to go play with her! (:

the word forgiveness.

Forgive and Forget, Right? 

Maybe for you, but I don't work that way.

WARNING:

I probably have a different view on this than most people that read this, if you are one of those people, please do not tell me i am wrong for thinking this; i have my opinion and you have yours.

thanks. (:

Alright, here i go.

its one thing to forgive someone, and its one thing to forget. 

forgive, yes. forget, no.

dats my theory.

God shows us in so many scriptures of ways he shows forgiveness towards his disciples, and teaches them to show forgiveness towards others. 

I believe that forgiveness is one of the most important things. God expects us to follow in his footsteps, and look what he does for us, he forgives all of our sins. I look at it this way, everyone starts out with a clean white shirt, the more we sin the dirtier it gets. God is our stain remover, he cleanses our souls and forgives us for our sin. I bet if we were in God's shoes that we would not forgive and people would be walking around all nasty. Why not forgive someone? Give them a chance, God gives us 298452985248752984052475928470298759284752948752984752984 ect. chances, and we say we try to be more like him but not forgiving someone is not that. 

i have learned the hard way, 

you think that "revenge" will do the trick when only it hurts you both more, and it makes everything worse.  You lose what you had and you don't have the chance to even try to get it back. When you are done wrong its not our place to decide whether they deserve to be punished, they will be judged on judgement day and God will decide. 

Now for forget.

I do not forget.

I forgive, and allow you to try again, but i never forget. To me it seems like if you forget, you are not learning from your mistakes and you will continue to allow your mistakes to happen whether it be letting the wrong people in your life or doing a bad habbit.

In simpler terms: if you did me wrong, were cool; But i am never going to forget what was done.

--------------------------------

I was talking to someone today and they said: "how long did it take you to get over so and so?" and i answered, "i'm still not over it." 

This really hit me, when someone makes such an impact on your life, its impossible to forget. when someone affected you in such a way you think about it all the time.

when something affected you so deeply, you find ways to stumble upon it.

I cannot forget.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage an danger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other  just as Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:31-32.

<3

Goodnight, and GodBless.

slowly figuring it out.

so all day i have been thinking thinking thinking.

all the things that have happened to me, and how i got through it all.

God and Friends.

it seems like just yesterday my life was falling apart slowly.

it all started in sixth grade, with my grandpa.

then to my friends,

then to my relationships,

then my family,

then back to friends.

nothing has ever been stable for me, ever

Everything is always changing, 

..but for me, the stuff that is never supposed to change did.

I used to ask, "why me, God?"

"why would you choose the weakest person to do this to?"

I used to have a friend, she was my bestfriend, on here im going to call her page; we had been friends since kindergarden and best friends since 3rd grade. we looks almost identical, people use to get us mixed up.

i could list and list memories i shared with this girl. We had every class together, we were inseparable; and in seventh grade, she began to change she got this evil streak, this meanness that just grinded my gears. I had more friends than just her, but she drove them away. Then i was only left with her, and i had to change myself to be friends with her, or i was alone..

and that was t h e last thing i wanted. I started to be more like her, i started swearing, and saying mean stuff and i hated it deep down, i knew it was wrong but i kept doing it, like a drug addict.

she was the only friend i had after school plans with, we ran track, and goofed off the whole time. back then, i had no values, and thats the sad thing.

i called this girl my bestfriend, my bestie, the typical bestfriend names; but way down i knew that i told her nothing about me and she told me nothing. we didn't share secrets, or any thing she was basically there to just have fun with, but thats all i had.

in 8th grade her parents started fighting, and her dad moved to delaware due to job changes. You could tell this had an affect on her, a big one.  She started going crazy, she started talking about doing drugs and drinking, and doing "stuff" with boys; and it wasn't the girl i had knew for all those years.

Then two girls walked into my life, sunshine and lizzy. They together showed me the real meaning of friendship which eventually brought back my previous friendship with mac. They didn't like page, so i was stuck in the middle, with both of my arms being tugged both ways. Having the feelings about my friendship with page and being introduced to this new awesome friendship with sunshine lizzy and mac i was won over by they're loving ways and how they accepted me as i was, and i didn't have to change for them.

in the end it ended up tearing mine and page's friendship into pieces. i had this empty hole in my heart, and i had no way to fill it; i missed her, a lot.

long story short, i had no true friends in 8th grade, everyone went behind everyones back and it was drama city.

Page went to early college, and i lost touch with her all together, until a few months ago. when we caught back up, i found out a lot of bad stuff had been happening to her. She has a rare, unknown, incurable seizure disease. they don't know how to fix it, or at least keep her from having seizures. they have told her and her family multiple times she has a small chance of living a long life. She went into depression, she turned to drugs and boys..

now were not really friends and i don't know what to do.

Why did she have to change?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

relationships.

this past year i experienced the worst experience of my life.

I only refer to him as he, cause thats all he deserves to be called; maybe not even that.

He was a jerk, a liar, a scal, a player, and he wanted o n e thing, and as most of you could guess, sex. 

we met at church camp, so to me that kind of masked things that he had done. i later found out he smoked pot, and he had had sex before; he had told be before he hadn't.

he treated me like dirt for 7 months, he cheated on me, he lied, and disrespected me more than enough; but those simple words, 

"i love you" "ill never do it again," "you're my everything, and ill do anything to keep you forever" "forever yours" 

a l w a y s cover up things and a l w a y s keep girls like me running back. I was a girl searching for someone to share something special with, and i was headed in the wrong direction. i listened to his lies for too long, and put up with him for way to long. 

No one knows the whole story, only me.

needless to say, he broke my heart, when i thought my world was perfect.

i watched it come crashing down right in front of my face. 

i went into denial, i cried everyday, i had fits of rage, and to this day, i still do those things.

i can't accept the change.

 

i lost a friend, one near and dear to my heart, red. Red was my rock, i could come to him crying, i could run to him mad as fire, or any other emotion; and he would comfort me and make me feel like the most important person in the world, like no one could hurt me. red knew everything about me but one thing; and when he found out, it killed our friendship.. 

we were done, he done some bad stuff to try to get back at me, and it made me mad.

im starting to realize, he meant everything to me. red was there when absolutely no one was. He treated me like a princess, Red told me i was beautiful inside and out, everyday. he never failed to tell me how important i was to him, and for once in my life i felt like i had a meaning, like i was special to someone, like i was more than just a girl. 

now, its a l l gone.

i want it back more than anything in the world. 

I want to make the change.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I used to ask, "why me, God?"

"why would you choose the weakest person to do this to?"

Now i say, "thank you God, for changing me, thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for bringing my into your arms. Thank you for showing me there is something more than sorrow. Thank you for everything."

<3

God has a plan for everyone, and everything. He works in mysterious ways, and I'm a living example. He put me through the ropes, to test my strength, and to show myself that I'm more than i think i am; that i do mean something to Him. He loves us all, every single one of us, with mistakes or not we are his prized possession.

<3

"find rest, o my soul, in God alone;

my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, i will not be shaken."

Psalm 62:5-6

GodBless.

burning daylight.

 So, "due to the pending weather" our exam got cancelled.

like forreal?

it hasnt snowed one flake. 

im angry.

i woke up at the crack of dawn to get ready and got to school to take my biology exam. 

i had already mentally prepared myself with my hot mocha from McD's.

we get to the classroom and were all freaking out, and to my suprise im pretty calm. but then Mrs. Beane, our  principle, basically said: "we are expecting hazardous weather, you will be dismissed" except it took her like 10 minutes to say all that.

needless to say i lost sleep for no reason.

im grumpy.

well after exams i had plans to go to work out with mac, buttttttttttttttt my mom got the call that school would be dismissed early, so she came and got me. poo.

later i find out that tyler was going to the civic to do the same. but ohhhhhhhhhh no; dont get to see him, cause mom came and got me.

so i got home and tried to make the best of this ruthless day, and made me a biggggg oleeee breakfast.

sausage, eggs, and a hasbrown, topped off with mommys sweet tea. (:

while preparing this delightful meal i listened to my new favorite radio station, k-love. 

<3

after my lovely brunch i destroyed my algebra 2 binder.

i passed the class with a 71 and the exam with a 87.

not too good, but hey, i PASSED.

so i decided to rip my binder and all its belonging into smithereens.

GOOOOOOOOODBYEE algebra 2 honors.

go stress someone else out.

LifeIsGood.

a bit of nothing.

so my day consumed of these things. 

Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
They have the most satisfying taste, and texture;
i am addicted, thanks to sunshine.

Mandarine Oranges.

mmmm, my fetish. 

they're healthy and tasty.

Sleeping.

gosh, here lately i have been sleeping like a hound dog.

if im bored i sleep, if im sick, i sleep, if im upset i sleep.

its taking over my life. 

Swimming.

Good news; i made regionals, 

Bad news; i have to practice for two more weeks. /:

i love swimming but im ready to start working out, tanning, and having free time.

(:

and of coarse, i have been thinking about my grandpa. 

this bullet shell was shot at his funeral service. 

since he was in the army, some of the veterans that were in war with him came and did a burial ceremony.

i snatched a about 3 of these.

its January 25th and i still havent made it to his grave site..

i keep asking my mom to take me, but she just keeps making excuses; maybe shes like me.

I wanna go, i just know im going to get upset, and not wanna leave..

</3

well, i have a biology exam tomorrow.

i gotta study and sleep.

goooddddddddnnnnniiiiiighttt.

busybee.

At this time this morning i was awake getting ready, if you don't know, it is Saturday. We had saturday school this morning due to the weather we had last week. I havent been to Saturday school since elementary school, boo. It was alright, we did not nothing all day, i reviewed in algebra, talked in biology, talked in yearbook, and cut our paper hearts in english; yay me.

Saturday School = Not such and epic fail.

And as if my Saturday wasn't busy enough, us swimmers of ESHS had our conference today, woooopiee. Tonight was good, we came in second behind Bishop but they're un-human at swimming; for you who dont know, Bishop is  a private Catholic school that recruits people to play sports, and it does cost to go there. moneymoneymoney. Tonight was a success for us small town EastSurry folks. Courtney Tunstall said: "We rocked tonight, best senior year ever!" And boy was she right, we are undefeated with the exception of Bishop but in my book they do not count. We beat our two biggest rivals MtAiryHigh and SurryCentralHigh, not to mention they beat us in the past! were beast. 

I got sick tonight, and did not finish my 200 freestyle; i did although participate in three more events, 100m freestyle, 4x200 relay, and 4x400 relay. i came in fourth in the 100m freestyle, with Krista in 2nd and Chelsea in 1st. i made consideration time for regionals which is oneminutetenseconds. It was e x t r e m e l y cold in the pool area today, quite nipply. There were so many parents there to help with food, and to support us card. (: Thanks guys, means a lot! joshuacook came to took pictures and left after and hour.. so, no swimming pictures for yearbook. poo.

I came home to a welcoming Turkey&Cheese sub from Subway, 

followed by my moms masterful sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet tea. mmmm (:

perfection.

.... then I started watching Degrassi the Next Generation reruns, aka my addiction.

and along with the perfect meal and perfect show, i was informed of the most perfect news!

my sister is pregnant with her third child! ahhhhh, im so excited.

My sister and her wonderful Husband Lucas Taylor Hiatt got married December 5th, 2009. <3

i love my sister with all my heart, and no matter her decisions i have always been here and always will be. I look up to her, and she fulfills my days of boredom, and shes quite the funny one; Along with all that, she has the two CUTEST girls ever, you've already cyber met them. (:

Annnnnnd if all this isn't good enough to make you happy then this will.

The weather forcast for Tuesday if 50% snow as of right now, and is supposed to continue through Thursday! heckyes, i love snow. 

--- Thats it for now---

"Make your life how y o u want it, because this time is ours."