all i simply want.

This is all i seem to be thinking about lately; 

i just want something real.

and as im something i mean love, or companionship.

i just want something meaningful, and something so divine;

but i cant seem to find it, 

is it really that much to ask?

is it too much to ask to actually commit to someone, to treat them with resepct, to cherish them, and to love them?

i wouldn't think so..

I see couples all the dang time, hugging and loving on each other, and it just makes me sick but deep inside i envy them. Especially the ones that have been together for a long time, they have it so good, and i want that.

Well i know one thing, God loves me and he has a plan and thats all i can fathom.

<3

Day 10;

post a picture of someone you love.

My Dog, Diesel, My Baby.

I know hes not much of a someone, but to me he is.(:

He is the best dog i could ask for, i never thought id get so attached, but i have. 

ever since he was a tiny little puppy ive babied him,

He was a chub-wub, with the cutest personality. 

listen to this, everyday when i come in from school he is waiting in the same spot down my drive way for me, and i always roll my window down and yell his name, and that tail just goes a wagging,

every night i go put him in his pin, pet him, kiss his nose tell him how much i love him and to sleep good and hear lately to stay warm. 

we got him a soccer ball, boy does he love it;

these past warm days i go outside and play soccer with him, hes a cheater tho,

ahaha, (: 

hes the best, point blank. <3

"love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil bit rejoices with the truth. it always protects always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. 

Love never fails..."

Corinthians 13:4-8

<3

day nine.

Post a picture that has a meaning but only to you.

Domestic abuse is a rising problem not only in america but all over the world.

and this is just one case.

http://www.irishgoddess1337.com/DV.html

there are millions and millions of women that are abused every day.

not only physically but sexually and mentally.

it cuts and it cuts deep, it leaves a scar, forever reminding the victim. it doesnt go away, ever.

not only does it affect the victim, but it affects the children

and the worst part is, no one ever finds out..

the person is too scared to tell; or too ashamed.

then then beater, gets away with it over and over.

now Thats the sad thing about todays society, were to afraid.

something needs to be done.

 yeah its deep.

i got the best news today, <3

mmm, Fairytale.

i did nothing today, absolutely nothing. 

the only time i got out of bed was to eat, and to go get the mail.

But yeah, maybe ill think of something by tonight.

GodBless. <3

i stepped up.

Okay so one of my friends and former BESTFRIEND has been having major issues with her family and her friends.
We used to be so close and everything was okay, well we dont go to school together, and making new friends was a big challenge for her..
just recently she has been going through some deep stuff, and she has been nothing but depressed; shes been crying every morning, and all day. It absolutly kills me to see such a beautiful girl be so down.
i was reading her tumblr posts and they were saying some very very very crazy stuff. to start off with her tumblr name was, "icutttheselovelywrists" which doesnt sound to good within itself. all of her posts talked about how she hated herself, how she hated her life, how she hated everything about her and that she just wasnt worth living. well one post caught my eye; she had wrote letters to all her family members saying how terrible she was and she just needed to kill herself, cause she wasnt worth living and no one loved her. This girl used to be SO outgoing and happy and loving, she loved her life and everything about it; and now it was like this? i had to do somthing. 
ya see im the type of person to just stay out of it. I wasnt really sure if she was still a christian, but i was my place to step in.
i sent her this message.

so i read your tumblr stuff. it really upset me and has me a little worried.

____ , you are such a lovely girl, and you have a meaning for life.

i dont know if your a christian, but its my place to tell you this.

God loves you, God made you and by golly he made a masterpeice.

you are so genuine. You are soooo loved, he loves you so much, you are his pride and joy, and he wants you to realize that.

see i was once in your situation, i didnt care, and i wanted to die.

but i turned to God and he has turned my life around and has gave me everything i could ask for. i didnt believe in miracles, but hell did i need one, and all i had to do was talk to god, beg him for forgivness.God does great things, and he can do great things in your life.

____ you mean so much to me, soo much. i love you , God loves you, youre family loves you, your friends love you. you are truely blessed. God tests us he brings people in and out of our lives just to see how we do, he works in mysterious ways, he deprives us to show us there is a light in the dark to show us there is a up when youre down and he truely loves us all. ALL of us.

Yes weve mad mistakes but he loves us just as much as he did before, and he will love us unconditionally forever. He loves you so much, and he is proud to say he created you, i mean who wouldnt, youre amazing in and out, through and through. Youre Gods creation.

Just hear me out this one time ____, just this one.

Talk to god, ask him for forgiveness and tell him you need him and you love him and thank him for everything, and he will give you an everlasting life you your grandpa, and all your family. a life without suffering or pain, a life of harmony and love. Your so precious to him, and he gave his son for you.

there are such things as miracles, and you can be one of those.

please just hear me out ____; you probably think im some Godly freak, but im telling you, liveing a life walking with God is so amazing; cause you know deep in your heart he loves you. Jesus longs to comfort you and will do anything for you.

"The lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my god is my rock in whom i take refuge. he is my shield and the horn of my salvation my stronghold, i call to the lord who is worth of praise and i am saved from my enemies." Psalm 18:2-3.

I love you ____, more than anything, i am here for you always.

but i really want you to think hard about this.

♥

she replied saying how much she wanted to thank me and that it really opened her eyes.

i was reading her tumblr today, and she talked to her counselor, and her friends, and her mom, and shes getting a therapist. This girl NEVER talked to her mom, our counselor, and to see that really made me smile. She posted and said thanks to ____ ____ and ____; no my name wasnt on there, but im fine with that. She used to cuss every other word, but in the new post i saw no cuss words. 

this was the thing that got me most;

Guess what her tumblr name is.

Newflesh.

Miracles can happen; and with God they are possible.

Just thought id share. 

Godbless,

all three.

Post a picture of someone who means alot to you.

These two girls, 

Madison Blake Johnson, and Haley Elizabeth Joyce.

ask me anything about them and i COULD tell you.

no doubt,

these were the three girls that were inseparable. 

the girls that everytime they were together they begged their mamas if they could stay longer or spend the night.

they spent every waking moment together, 

they made every memory together,

they shared every laugh together,

the created a everlasting bestfriendship that will never be broken.

a bond that will forever be established.

a friendship so tight and so close that nothing could break us.

a totally different world that no one could enter but us.

we were those girls.

we are those girls.

we will forever be those girls.

when you heard ones name you knew all three.

once you knew about one, you knew about all three.

when you talked about one, you talked about all three.

when you spent time with one you spent time with one, you spent time with all three.

when you loved one, you loved all three.

We were and are the three friends that every girl wishes they had. 

and we are dang proud of it.

how would it make you feel to say, "hey, we've all been bestfriends since we were all born."

for me thats a decade.

a decade, that is one powerful word.

think about this. 

how many people can say, 

"ive been friends with these 2 girls for a decade."

mean not skipping any years or anything.

not many.

God knows what he's doing, he took the two best girls and put them in my life.

He knew that we'd keep that friendship, and we'd cherish it, and we would thank him everyday for it.. ..he knew.

these girls have filled up my heart with the most valuable thing you could ask for; love, companionship, and friendship.

they mean nothing less that everything to me, no matter what happens.

they are f o r e v e r my soul sisters. from the day they were born till the end of time and throughout eternity they will be my b e s t f r i e n d s. 

Nothing, no one, not a single soul or object will ever replace them. 

they are everything i could ask for and more; 

and i will love them unconditionally for the rest of my life.

 A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity. 

Proverbs 17: 17

Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.

I love you girls. <3

love, dream, play; valentines day.

Day seven;

List you're biggest fears.

1. im afraid of spiders, i have an absolute fear of spiders.

2. im afraid of the past.

3. im afraid of loosing someone i love.

mostly objects and sentimental things.

Spiders.

 ew, just this picture makes my skin crawl.

i hate them, more than anything.

My past.
just like they tell you in youre history classes;
"history repeats itself"
well im terrified of that.
i hold things in my past against myself, and i hold myself back; 
every time something good happens i have this strange feeling its all going to go bad.
..yeah, story of my life.


Loosing someone close to me.
i think about this way to much.
ever since i lost my grandpa all i can seem to think about is loosing my grandma, and i would be absolutely devastated. more than anyone would know.. ive lost touch with her, and im so afraid of loosing her.



well, i went to my grandpas grave and put those flowers on there, finally!
it looks beautiful, but i hope the wind doesn't blow it off.


well, im tired. 
sucky blog i know.


Goodnight, Godbless.

- - i somehow failed to post this, but this was from last night.
my apologies.

long time no blog.

Day six;

do you miss anyone?

uhm yes.

theres a few actually.

-my grandpa,

-red,

-mac,

-and madeline.

These people meant and do mean so very much to me; every single on of them.

My grandpa, my light in the dark, my idol, my long lost friend;

he was nothing but the greatest grandpa in the world.. and its its physically impossible to describe how much he meant to me, means to me, and how much i miss him.

ive blogged previously about him, but i will say over and over how much i love him, and how much i cant wait to see him one day. <3 

the thought of him brings tears to my eyes.

Red, My Bestfriend, My brother, The reason i get up in the morning;

wow, so much has happened, and it all happened so fast.

the day after my birthday, oct 14th, we got in a huge fight and didn't talk till about 2 weeks ago; and the past to weeks have been the best two weeks of this year. (: i'm starting to remember why i loved this guy so much.

he means absolutely everything to me, and i wouldn't trade him, or our memories for anything in the world. He knows everything about me, and we caught up on the past 3 months in 2 weeks. things are so back to normal its unbelievable, i thank God every night for allowing me to humble ourselves and letting us get past everything. its like nothing every happened, and that showed me how great God is, and that miracles can truly happen. Nothing explains how much i missed him, and how much i am so happy were friends again; and no one can even fathom how it warms my heart to be back to the way things were. <3 Red never fails to make me feel any less than perfect, he is simply the best thing i could ask for, and i mean that. <3

Iloveyou, red. (:

Mac, My Lover, My girl, My reason to keep my head up.

This girl has been here for me since the 4th grade. She has never let me down once. Never has she ever not been there for me. She brightens up my day with just a crack of her beautiful smile. (:

We are starting to connect like we used to, and i have missed her so much. 

<3

Madeline, My mud buddy, My friend since birth, The apple of my eye. 

Oh wow, we have done so much together, we've been thru everything, we toughed out the rough situations. as she is starting to grow up were beginning to split. we used to spend EVERY weekend together, and everyday in the summer together; now rarely get to see her, once every month at most. i miss the crap out of her, and i want it to be the way it used to be, but i know thats a lot to ask.

i miss; our crazy talks, our adventures, our river explorations, our tree house building, our fourwheeling, our endless hours of just laughing, our makeovers, our everything.

i want it all back.. 

thats my goal for February.. to see Madeline and have a down right blast with her. (:

well i havent blogged in a while so ill explain why.

i went to states for swimming, just as an alternate; in other words i got a free ride to raleigh, free a night in a hotel, 5 free meals, and a blast due to the others success. 

gotta love it.

i had a blast, i loved every second of my states experience. 

i had the time of my life with: Austin, Courtney, Miyu, Krista, Mikayla, Ashley, Chelsea, Marc, Jacob, and Brian. we stayed up till three doing everything we could, ahhhh. so amazing. (:

 well, imma go to bed. 

Goodnight; GodBless. <3

Head-banging for God. (:

WOWWWWW, what an amazing weekend. (:


It all started with regionals.
i got to skip school to go to a meet that i didn't even get to swim in, how great. (:
i slept while i was there, it was marvelous, all followed up with a wonderful bus ride with scottie.(:
mmmmm, that day was amazing.


woke up dying to go to the best thing ever. 
winterjam.
yes, a Christian concert in Greensboro for ten whole bucks. 
every single thing about that day was perfect!
even waiting in the cold windy weather for 3 hours; we met two girls Taylor and Miranda. (:
they were fun as crap.

then the doors busted open and my adrenaline shot up and i was booking it through those halls, practically sprinting and dodging the people in front of me.
all the waiting, pushing, shoving, runing, and smelly  people were worth it.
the concert rocked.
Not only was it awesome but seeing 21,000 Christians together singing, dancing, screaming, head-banging, crying for God was so beautiful.

seeing 21,000 hands in the air reaching for God was so breath taking.

    

 look how beautiful. 

then there was david crowder band. (:

yummm.

i got saved to this song, and i cried like a baby when i heard it.

   

im to tired to finish i will later..

goooooooooooddnight, <3

Day Five.

A habit in which you possess.

I drink way to much soda..

i know thats not a big habit, but my mind is totally blank right now. (:

i hate the fact that im addicted to soda. 

I'm such a weakling.

):

Okay, this struck me today.

I Hate Hypocrites.

Hate them.

The fact of acting like you like something or someone then turning around and changing your mind about it ponders me. Whats the point.

example: You talk to this person, like a lot,  and you say their you friend, and the second they turn around to leave you talk crap about them, make fun of them etc. 

I HATE IT.

if you talk so much "ish" about them and you don't like them so much, then why put up with them, or say their your friend?

it absolutely kills me.

thats my rant for tonight. 

not to much, ohwell.

Godbless. <3

life is full of surprises.

Day four.

Have you changed over the past year?

the answer is yes.

i have changed, i have let a douche bag exit out of my life, and i have been turning to God more. 

i have started focusing on all the important things,to the things that mean a lot to me, instead of pointless crap that ingests peoples lives.

once i let all that go, things have been going good. (:

So,

Me and Nat = terrible fourth period finders.

we are in business law.

gag me.

.. we want out! so were like hey, lets take PE 4. which is a class we have both wanted to take, so we go to mr crotch and he says, you need a note from coach johnson to get in. were thinking. ahhh, no prob, coach johnson loves us; 

We walk in and hes in the locker room, we wait, and he comes out, an his eyes got big. 

we told him we wanted in his class and guess what he said.

"YOU wanna be in THIS class?!

NO, that is the worst idea, i dont want yall around this bunch; all these cult-brained kids. No, i cant let yall be in here" 

We about fell out in the floor, 

all the way down to the field house we said, "were a step closer to getting out of BL"

and we got r e  j e c t e d. 

):

 then we went to carpentry, the only other available class besides band, chorus, and JROTC.

and guess what, he said the exact same thing.

...who knew east surry's teachers were so stereotypical.

/:

 today = unfair.

FAIL.

Godbless. <3

open your eyes.

daythree.
Post an old picture of yourself.

I have to say i was the cutest baby.

Today was a masterpiece.

Not really..

i had a pretty boring day, but God did give me another day to live, to enjoy this life for 24 more hour; and thats more than enough to ask for. (:

All day i have been wearing this beautiful necklace.

This necklace was given to me by Red, on my birthday along with a beautiful charm bracelet, one of the things i've always wanted. (:

Anyways, I tend to play with my necklaces during class, for some reason it helps me focus; but every time i touched it, it was a constant reminder of the friendship that i shared with Red. we had something so special, and we are finally fixing things, (: it makes me so happy that God has humbled me enough to get over past afflictions and move on. Soooooooooooooo much has happened and the more we talk the more i remember why i loved talking to him so much. Its so surprising that we threw things away so fast. It didnt take me long to realize that what was going on was so stupid and pointless, and that i wanted everything back more than anything. Now after all that realizing, everything is turning up. (:

God works in mysterious ways,

..and that is more than true.(:

I tired the Pizza Hut Tuscini Pasta; and it is marvelous!

i recommend it, to everyone!

So remember how i said i was going to make flowers to put on my grandpas grave, well i did. (:

they turned out pretty good, i must say. im no florist but i'm pretty proud of them.

ahahhaha, they're kinda girly, but i did spring colors so it'd last longer.

Finally, i can have another reason to go see my grandpa, and i can make his gravesite beautiful, and make him proud. 

Everything I do, I do it for you Papa.

<3

I found this cube and it has different character traits, i really liked it so i took a picture of it.

So..

one. my mom was hotttttttttttttt.

two. so was my dad.

three. there's my grandpa.

four. i love these wedding pictures, especially the first one. 

five. i want rice at my wedding, its so cute.

six. i cant wait to get married.

Marriage is such a beautiful thing to me, not only are you making a promise to God to love that person but a promise to your spouse. ahh, its so amazing to me, to share a relationship with someone for your whole life. To just fall deeply in love with someone enough to say, "yes ill spend the rest of my life with you" and mean it just sound soo good to my ears. 

..all that, that is the reason i decided to wait till im married to have sex. 

yeah, "everyones doing it" and thats just another reason to not. 

i just think of how special it would be to share your first time with someone you truly and passionately care about, someone who wont leave you or judge you.

 and that alone is the perfect reason to wait. 

<3

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immortality; that eachof you should learn to control his own body, in a way that is only holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like a heathen, who do not know God;"  

Thessalonians 4:3-5

<3

Godbless.