time flies.

Hello Blogger. 

I went to the cemetery today to see my grandpas grave, the one that i haven't seen in honestly 4 years. I have my permit so i decided to drive, so one, i wanted to know how to get there myself, and two i haven't drove in forever. the whole way there all i could think about was, what am i going to do when i get there. I kept noticing things that had changed about stuff down that way since i had last been that way; then mom finally said, "a lot of stuff has changed, i don't remember any of this being here" then me being the smart butt kid that i am the same kid that never gets to visit her own grandpas grave due to her mothers excuses said. "probably cause NONE of us have been down here in a really long time" and she couldn't deny the fact that it was true. My heart sank into my stomach, after realizing how harsh that was after i blurted it out. We were getting closer and closer, and i had this feeling in my heart that my grandpa was watching me, and leading me in the right way, mom kept telling me where to turn, but i already knew. nothing quite compares to the feeling of someone you love watching over you and leading you in the right direction. we got to the road, and i slowly but anxiously turned in, every turn of the wheels brought me closer and closer to the place i used to love to be, to the same place that i hadn't been in four years. we finally got down the long driveway and i spotted his stone right away. as soon as i put the car in park tears started filling  behind my brown eyes waiting to bust out. we; we meaning me, abby and mom, headed toward the stone and tears immediately filled my eyes. somehow i made it to his spot, and i just stopped and stared.. all i could do was look, no words came to my mouth, nothing. i was doing all could to hold my self up, and not fall to my knees. my mom started saying something, but i didn't hear her; in my mind all was silent, i had this feeling that maybe i would hear him talk to me. my body was numb. Mom turned her head, and saw me crying and just shut up; she walked away from me, and let me have my time alone. i just stared at his grave like i was lost. I cried, the tears ran down my face, nothing had ever made my cry so fast.. i slipped  few tears the whole way home, all i could think about  was the funeral; watching them sitting his casket down in the ground, watching them close the casket after the service, watching my grandma kiss his dead body, everything. that whole day replayed in my head.. 

the thing that hurt the most was his grave was bare, the flowers had blown off and the maintenance man threw them over the fence. heartless man.
so we went and got flowers to put on his grave, ill post pictures when we go.

Imma post a blog later about a girl that means the world to me,
so stay tuned. (:
time to go play with her! (: